Since we’re talking about the basics here, let’s start with the definition. BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. This is an umbrella term to describe a variety of kinks that fall under the same broad category. People involved in kinky communities acquire sexual gratification through physical means of domination, bondage, and submission.
The sexual art of domination and submission is not new. It has been around for ages and has evolved over the years to become an enjoyable sexual lifestyle. However, despite being a popular choice for many couples and singles in most parts of the world, and after even gone a bit mainstream with the release of 50 Shades, BDSM has managed to acquire a notorious reputation riddled with myths and false beliefs.
If you are looking to start your journey towards incorporating kinky practices in your bedroom or are curious about the bondage lifestyle, reading up on the ins and outs about it is extremely important. Knowing what to expect is the key to having a wonderful experience. Moreover, since BDSM is much more physical than other sexual kinks, reading up on a few things before getting started with your journey might save you a lot of trouble down the line!
Getting started with your BDSM journey
A BDSM experience is far from the conventional dating scenario. Most people are either afraid of the concept of bondage and submission or reluctant to own their tendency for the particular lifestyle. Therefore, it can be challenging to find people who are into it as much as you are.
Thankfully, finding people who are into kinky stuff just as much as you are, or even more, it should be your prime goal. The online world is perceived as a far better place to admit to one’s tendencies, making it easier for like-minded people to meet and match. Even if you want to incorporate bondage routines into your regular sex life, ask for advice only at the best online dating sites. And if it’s not working out, you can always look for someone who can satisfy your lust for the kinky experience at the same place.
A 5-step Approach to your BDSM journey
BDSM is very different from a regular dating experience. Carelessly jumping on the bandwagon might prove dangerous. You and your partner might even end up hurting each other in the process. Therefore, a few things need to be kept in mind when you’re starting with your BDSM journey.
Explore your fantasies
One thing to understand about BDSM is that it does not refer to a single way of domination or submission. It is a collective term used to describe different types of bondage, dominance, submission, Sadism, Masochism, and other such associated kinks. Not everyone involved in BDSM enjoys every aspect of it. People have different definitions of what pleases them through bondage. Multiple couples might have completely separate and distinct approaches to BDSM altogether.
When starting on your BDSM journey, it is advisable to explore every part of the community to find out what and who works best for you. You might have a hunch for some parts already, but you can just as quickly end up liking the aspects of BDSM that you don’t know much about. You can learn what works best for you and what to steer clear of this way easily.
Always be honest
An extremely crucial aspect of an enjoyable BDSM experience is being true to yourself. BDSM, in essence, is much more physical than other dating and sexual lifestyles. Anyone who is not aware of the full physical extent of their BDSM tendencies can quickly end up hurting themselves or their partners. Knowing and sticking to what works best for you can mean the difference between having boosted energy levels and staying down for the rest of the day. Identifying what works best for you and your partner is extremely important for a safe, healthy, and fun experience.
While exploring new dimensions of BDSM, you must remain honest with yourself and your partner. If you are trying new things in the bedroom, be frank about the kind of impact they have on you. Rather than going along with something just for the sake of experience, you should stay true to how you feel about each new dimension of BDSM that you explore.
Know your boundaries
As mentioned before, a dominating/submissive routine can prove dangerous if you’re not careful. Not just that, having a meaningful BDSM experience is all about keeping things to the point where it’s enjoyable rather than pushing too far without thinking about the consequences.
While exploring new things with your partner in the bedroom, learn to identify your boundaries. If things become uncomfortable at some point, point them out or make a mental note to point it out the next time it happens. Remember: bondage, submission, and all associated kinks are supposed to be fun, despite their physical nature. If things are starting to feel tiresome and uncomfortable, you might want to reevaluate your boundaries in the bedroom.
Similarly, staying aware of your partner’s boundaries also goes a long way to having meaningful bedroom adventures that’ll please both of you.
Explore ideas with your partner
It is natural to look up the internet for ideas to try in the bedroom when starting out with your BDSM journey. The internet will provide you with a lot of stuff that might sound interesting. However, it is essential to remember that exploring new ideas when it comes to BDSM works best with your partner.
Look up new stuff to try together and decide on the extent. Finding new ways to be kinky in the bedroom together helps define expectations and strengthens the bond as well.
Enjoy the journey!
According to The Guardian, BDSM is a collective term used for a lot of things. It is possible that you might not be into much of these kinks. It is also possible that you might be into all of these kinks. However, what matters most is that you end up enjoying your BDSM journey the way you intended to in the beginning.
Don’t perceive it as a one-time thing. It’s a lifestyle. Therefore, it pays off well to think about it that way. While there are many things to be aware of when starting your BDSM journey, the main objective is to have fun and enjoy the journey without worrying about the nitty-gritty too much.
Linda Raley is a Psychology Faculty student, a freelance writer on sex and relationships, and a relationship beginner psychologist-consultant.
